Not literally, obviously. That would be a little unexpected for you.
But I once, in conversation with a colleague, came up with what I thought was a rather nice little analogy for my writing abilities. Never one to waste something on mere conversation when it can be written down and recorded, I thought I'd share it with you here.
I will never be a great writer, creating beautiful and moving passages of prose, perfectly matched with intricately constructed plots and characters who spring off the page as if they were alive. If writers were footballers, I could never hope to have anything remotely approaching the silky skills of the finest - I am not a Maradona or a Pele.
No. I'm Steve Claridge.
A hoofer, a clogger, a journeyman. Usually competent, but by no stretch of the imagination inspired.
However, if I'm lucky, if all the elements come together and I am blessed with being in the right place at the right time, I may - just may - one day shin one in from thirty yards...