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A lovely Christmas present from my friend Anna and her husband Will -
a wooden version of Stuart Manning and Andrew Orton's cover for The Long Game |
I’m not generally given to gloomy introspection – well,
no more or less so than the average person, I suspect. Of course, every so often
I’ll have one of those long, dark evenings of “What’s the point? What am I
doing? Why am I doing it?” and all that. But on the whole, I amble along in
life as best I can, and perfectly happily.
But when it comes to New Year’s Eve, I do often find it
to be a fairly bleak occasion, at least in the last little bit running up to midnight. Due to its very nature, it lends itself
all-too-readily to looking back not just over the past year, but taking stock
of your existence as a whole, and being drawn to the inevitable question: “Have
I wasted my life…?” So, even though the New Year’s Eve gloominess always
fades away with the festivities and is gone by morning, it’s worth taking the opportunity
to look back, and to celebrate some good and positive achievements from the
year.
In basic terms I have not, it’s true, achieved my grand ambition
in 2021. I am not a published novelist, nor am I anywhere near to being
any closer to achieving that aim. I wrote very little fiction in 2021, and nothing
that would ever be submittable for publication in any way, shape or form.
This does not, on the whole, mark the year out from most
of the others through which I have lived.
On the other hand, however, writing-wise, this has
unquestionably been by far and away the most successful – and to be mercenary
about it, certainly the most profitable – year of my life and ‘writing career’
(hah!) to date. I had a book published – a non-fiction book, but still a book,
and one of which I am very proud. A lot of people have bought and enjoyed it.
Even this week, even today, I’ve still been receiving lovely messages from
readers of The Long Game. And yesterday AJ Black put up a very nice
piece, and an interview with me for those who’d like to know a bit more about
the writing of the book, on his website.
I wrote pieces for the BBC website, and for Doctor Who
Magazine again after a few years’ break. I wrote for the Eastern Daily
Press when my Nexus documentary was broadcast – a documentary which gained
a huge amount of national media coverage, and got me a piece on the Today
programme on Radio 4. That documentary is still creating opportunities, too; there
should hopefully be some more exciting news to share about that very soon.
I do sometimes, in those occasional gloomy and
introspective moments whenever they do happen to arise, wonder if I put too
much effort into radio. Work hard on those projects which take up my spare time
as well, because it’s easier than trying to knuckle down and do some writing. Whether,
if I had a dull job which I didn’t enjoy, I might have made more of an effort
with my fiction and actually got somewhere with it by now.
But this is, of course, nonsense. I am in the hugely
fortunate and privileged position of having a job that I enjoy. A job that,
yes, like any other has its occasional frustrations and irritations. But one
which doesn’t give me that soul-crushing despair of, “Oh Christ, I’ve got to
go to work today…” whenever I open my eyes in the morning.
I do understand and appreciate how very lucky I am to
have that. And I am always very well aware that it will not last forever – at some
point, sooner or later, it will come to an end and I will have to re-join the
real world. And such thoughts of it being a distraction are probably just excuses
– the reason I’m not a published author of fiction is, when it comes down to
it, simply because I am not really good enough at it.
Would having a novel published make me a happy and
complete human being? Would it leave me content for the rest of my days? Well… almost
certainly not. There’d always be the next thing to want to do. I am aware of
that, too.
But I’d still like to know how it feels!
Perhaps I can try and take a more positive step in that
direction, somehow, during 2022. What that step might be, or in which direction
it should be, I have no idea. However, I suppose actually sitting down and writing
some more fiction would probably be a good start…
Overall, though, 2021 has been very good to me, and very
successful. Fiction, aside, I cannot complain at all. I can only hope anyone
reading this has had as positive a year, and if not that 2022 treats you much
more kindly.
Happy New Year, everybody!
